We’ve all been there—feeling down about a situation only to have someone say something that really doesn’t help and maybe even makes us feel worse.
Even well-intentioned people often don’t know what to say during difficult moments. In this blog, we look at helpful remarks and also what not to say to someone who is struggling.
Some People Want to Help . . . and Some Don’t
Unfortunately, there will always be people who say offensive things or simply “don’t get it.” Maybe they are responding out of their own struggles, or maybe they are missing an empathy chip somewhere.
We’re not excusing bad behavior, just trying to offer possible explanations so you don’t spin your wheels trying to figure it out. After all, when we’re struggling, the last thing we need is to bear the burden of someone else’s inability to be nice.
For the most part, though, people want to say something kind and helpful—even if that means they must first unlearn the things they are used to saying in the past.
It can be challenging to speak up in a world where most people are too busy or self-absorbed to take the time. And, honestly, sometimes people just feel awkward because they don’t know what to say or how to help.
This blog can help you if you’re wanting to know how to speak to someone who’s struggling, and it might also help if you’re the one struggling and your friends and family are well-meaning but unsure what to say.
Examples of Things to Say to Someone in Need
Many of us pick up phrases from our upbringing, and sometimes we repeat them without even thinking. Here’s a list of some old phrases that were quite common—and some new phrases that we could replace them with in order to be more helpful to someone who is hurting.
Instead of saying this . . . | Try saying this . . . |
That’s crazy! | That’s fascinating! |
My roommate’s insane. | My roommate’s wild. |
I know exactly how that feels. | I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. |
If I were you, I would _______. | Is there anything I can do to help? |
It’s really not that bad. / You’re overreacting. / Suck it up. / Just get over it. / Let it go. | It sounds like this is really bothering you. Have you talked to anyone else about what you’re feeling? |
Don’t worry. | You are going through a lot. |
Everything will be okay. | You’re not alone. |
You need professional help. | Would it help if I went to the Counseling Center with you? I can sit with you if you want. |
The key is to give people the freedom to share what they want to share. Not to pry. Not to judge. Sometimes, not to even talk at all.
We all want to be heard. That’s a rare gift in itself. What’s even more uncommon is to be understood or supported. We must first be willing to notice. To listen. And then to offer help—on their terms, not what we think would be helpful to us.
If someone is in crisis mode, kindly suggest SF’s Counseling Center. It’s a safe space (and totally free for students) to talk with a licensed professional about whatever is going on.
Want to Help Others? Get Certified!
Santa Fe College is pleased to offer free Mental Health First Aid training for students. This training helps participants understand how to help others who may be experiencing a mental health-related crisis or problem on campus. Topics covered include anxiety, depression, psychosis, and addictions.
Lunch will be provided. Students will be accepted on a first-come, first-served basis. Attendees will need to be present for the entire course for certification.
Fill out this form to register for our next Mental Health First Aid for Students class, which will be held from 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. on February 23.
If you know someone who needs help for either their mental or physical wellbeing, you can always suggest the free TimelyCare App designed to support SF students 24/7. If you believe someone else is thinking about suicide, encourage them to call the suicide prevention hotline at 988. In emergency situations, call 911.